Hapless Writer Retires From Dating

Dec 15th, 2010 – In Austin, Texas early this morning Andrew Whiting announced his retirement from the world of dating. The press conference, held by a clearly exhausted Whiting from his bed to a crowd of some two cats and several dirty dishes, came as a surprise to many, and its content even more so.

“I just couldn’t believe it,” said David Gonzalez, 20, of Oak Lawn. “I just didn’t think he was that big of a pussy.”

Whiting said that although he was young, he felt like “the breaks never went [his] way.” After yet another abysmal showing in the fall of 2010, Whiting said he’d grown increasingly disillusioned with “this stupid fucking dance that every fucking person always fucking does. Oh let’s just, like, none of us be clear at all about how we feel, so we can all just bump into each other like goddamned animals in a petting zoo.”

A visibly distraught, and perhaps influenced Whiting then called an abrupt end to the press conference, and passed out with his laptop still open.


About andrewwhiting

A sentimental and sarcastic poet, lover of language, traveling and nature (not a fan of the Oxford comma).
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2 Responses to Hapless Writer Retires From Dating

  1. Nikki says:

    This rocks jsyk.

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